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As a homeschooling Mom, I have all of these lovely ideas in my head each year (usually in early August) about how our homeschool year is going to go. We will do all kinds of science projects, I will read great books aloud, we will learn interesting things about History. I have a beautifully planned out white board, complete with daily chore assignments for each child, color coordinated no less!

And then the school year begins. Instead of patient instructor, molder and shaper of young minds, I usually find myself holding back the chaos. For the most part, my older children do a good job of getting their schoolwork and chores done. They are showing more maturity all the time. However, my younger ones are still like a three-person wrecking crew. No matter how many times I remind them what they are supposed to do at different times of the day, the information simply falls out of their heads! It does not matter how many charts, alarms or reminders I set, unless I am physically present in the room giving them reminders, chaos ensues.

Sometimes I wish I could bottle their destructive ability and sell it. No more need for explosives when demolishing a building, just let my kids play in it for an hour! It never ceases to amaze me. I will have just had them clean up the kitchen and living room. They will be quietly playing so I slip into the other room for just a couple minutes to do something. I walk back in and–chaos! Somehow in that short amount of time they have managed to eat a snack and wipe out the entire kitchen and table and floor and to also have brought in what appears to be every item they own from their bedrooms! Most days I think my full time job could be simply sitting on a stool in the middle of the house directing traffic and keeping the chaos at bay. I do have hope that one day these younger three will become more responsible like their older siblings, but there are also days that I worry we may have all spoiled them a little too much.

God is also in the business of holding back the chaos. Even though things can look very dark in the world, He is actually keeping evil from completely reigning. He provides blessings for everyone, not just people who know Him. He created light in the dark and Jesus is even described as the Light in the darkness (or chaos). God was the one Who held back the waters for His people to walk through on dry land to escape the Egyptians and He is still the One holding back destruction in our lives, even when it feels like everything is falling apart.

He has promised to hold back the chaos until the end of the world. In the meantime, we as His followers can also hold back the evil and darkness. We are to be His light to others, sharing the good news of salvation with them. We can encourage one another as well when the darkness threatens to overwhelm us. And we can continue to hold back the chaos in our own families through prayer and it seems for me, perched on a stool right in the middle of it all!

“For this is what the Lord says, who created the heavens He is God, and the One Who formed the earth and made it, and He is the one Who established it, He didn’t create it for chaos.” Isaiah 45:18

You are being watched. Don’t be alarmed, I am not talking about “creepy stalkers,” but especially if you are a parent, you are being constantly observed.

Since first becoming a parent, I discovered that I was under constant scrutiny. My first little one would copy what he saw us do and what he heard us say. I quickly learned that this was not always a good thing. My children were very accurate mirrors of not only my good qualities, but also my flaws. In fact, for whatever reason, they were like those magnifying mirrors when it came to our flaws as parents.

Much like the character ‘Roz’ in the movie Monsters Inc., my kids were always on the lookout. This would show up in some really cute ways too. The children would try to copy us and “help” with whatever we were doing. This would call for massive patience sometimes when I would just want to get a task done and my little helper was making it take twice as long.

It is not just our kids who are watching us though. The world is also constantly watching our lives to see if we act like they think “Christians” should. This of course, can be difficult too. People have various ideas of what followers of Jesus should look like and that doesn’t always line up with what Jesus Himself taught. In a good way, this puts pressure on sincere followers of His to stay close to Him and learn from Him how to live in this world. As we grow in our relationship with Him, hopefully others (and our children also) will be drawn into copying us and seek a relationship with Jesus of their own.

This leads me to some watching that we need to do for ourselves. We need to watch how we are living. What things do we allow in our lives? How do we talk to people? How do we treat others even when they are irritating and annoying? In this divisive culture we are living in, are we taking time to hear the other side and try to understand where they are coming from? In the garden just shortly before He was betrayed, Jesus implored His disciples to watch with Him and to pray. In our day now, it is every bit as imperative that we keep watch and pray–and do not fall asleep as the disciples did!

“Watch therefore, and pray always.” Luke 21:36

“Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love.” I Corinthians 16:13-14

Have you ever felt this way? You know deep down that you are forcing yourself to do something that you weren’t quite made for. You look around and it seems that everyone else fits just fine. Maybe you smile and nod, knowing just enough about the circumstances to play along, but your gut is telling you that you probably could be doing something somewhere else that would just fit better.

I’m not talking about things that are necessarily bad or even the worst choice for you, just that uncomfortable-doesn’t-quite-fit feeling, but you are forcing yourself to continue. Maybe it’s a job that you have stayed in just a little too long or maybe it is a hobby that you feel obligated to continue because you spent all that money on supplies. It might even be that you just know there is something that you are supposed to be doing and haven’t tried yet.

Change can be hard and scary whether it is the choice to stop something old or begin something new. For myself, when I make the choice to stop an activity a little voice can start whispering that I am a failure. This unhelpful voice tells me all of the reasons I haven’t succeeded at whatever it is, even if I sincerely gave it my best effort or have sincerely decided to remove it from my life! I have something similar happen when I begin a new venture. An entire catalog of reasons I am going to fail pops up in my mind. I begin in my own strength to swat them like irritating flies. It usually doesn’t take long in either of these scenarios for me to exhaust my own efforts and remember to give all of my negative thoughts over to God.

On the other side of the wrestling with change there is amazing blessing. God uses change in our lives to grow us closer to Himself. When we follow His guidance in our lives into His plans for us we can experience the joy of living in just-the-right-fit. I have been in both places in my life. I spent too many years trying to hammer myself into the spot I thought God wanted me. Recently, I have had the joy of being in the me-shaped place He had planned all along. I pray that if you haven’t found this place in God’s family yet, that you will also be led by Him into a very uniquely designed you-shaped space.

“I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:14

It’s that time of year again. My little Leprechauns are plotting the demise of their kinfolk on their annual visit to our house. It is hilarious to watch my nine and ten year olds, both redheads themselves and looking very like their nemeses, create elaborate traps. This will be the year that my children finally catch those pesky Leprechauns!

I think the Irish roots are especially strong in my nine year old. He is a wonderful, rambunctious, energetic little boy who drives us all absolutely crazy! And it doesn’t bother or dissuade him one iota when his siblings get frustrated with him. He just happily bounces away, off to irritate the next sibling.

In preparation for St. Patrick’s Day, I looked up some Irish sayings. As I read through them, the philosophy of my ancestors came through, again reminding me of my son. Despite difficulties that he encounters in his life, he always bounces back cheerful and ready for the next adventure. One saying in particular reminded me of him:

May your heart be warm and happy

With the lilt of Irish laughter

Every day in every way

And forever and ever after.

My son has been blessed with a warm and happy heart, which he gladly shares with those around him. I love that about him and honestly seek to grow my own heart in this way. God has done an amazing transformation of my heart over my life, slowly turning it from a heart of stone into a heart of flesh that (I hope) more closely resembles God’s own heart for me. This change has not always been easy, honestly most of the time it has been painful, but God has used that pain in transformative ways and there has been joy on the other side.

The mean little Leprechauns of negativity still show up every now and then to try to sabotage the softening of my heart. In those times the example my son sets has helped remind me that life doesn’t have to stay dark and gloomy. Rainclouds produce rain, which make rainbows and according to my son, there are pots of gold at the end of those!

May green be the grass you walk on,

May blue be the skies above you,

That pure be the joys that surround you,

May true be the hearts that love you. ~Irish Blessing

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

Have you ever been convinced that the sky is purple? I have. For the longest time, I was absolutely sure that the sky was purple. People would attempt to tell me about the blue above. They would tell me all about the white clouds with the blue backdrop, but I wouldn’t believe them. When I looked up, all I saw was purple.

Then one day I woke up, looked outside and…blue sky! I was dumbfounded. I had been holding onto my purple-sky belief so tenaciously that I had never allowed any other option into my thinking. As I gazed at the azure arc, I couldn’t help but feel regret for some of the harm my incorrect belief had caused.

Now, obviously, (I hope) the purple-sky-belief is a metaphor. However, I have held some false beliefs that have been just as blatantly untrue. Unfortunately, this has happened to me more than once in my life. Some mistaken beliefs I have held onto more tightly and fiercely, (and to different degrees of destructiveness in my life) than others, but even small stubbornesses have caused their share of problems.

The strange thing is that even though I know this tendency about myself, it is too easy to look at other people sometimes and be extremely critical of their beliefs. From my perspective, their beliefs are so far off-base that they should be obvious to them. Instead of trying to meet someone where they are at and really try to hear how they came to their belief, it can be so much easier to criticize from a distance. I am very thankful that when I have held some majorly incorrect beliefs, I have had loving friends and mentors gently lead me to the truth.

There is someone else who is devoted to us knowing the truth as well, someone who knows us even better than we know ourselves because He is the one who created us. Jesus knows all of the twists and turns in our lives, all of the hurts and barriers that can keep us from the truth and ultimately from peace. Because that is what real truth creates in our lives–peace. Jesus said that He is the way, the truth and the life. He came as truth that leads to life and peace in our souls. This is really good news. First, because that means there is real, knowable truth to be found and secondly Jesus wants to help us find it through a relationship with Him.

I know that I most likely still have purple-sky-beliefs in my own life, but I am trying to be more open to my husband, friends, mentors, professors and especially Jesus pointing them out to me. It is not easy to let go of deeply held beliefs or to even have the desire to examine our beliefs, but I pray that we will be able to see clearly the truth that Jesus offers all of us.

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in His holy people, and His incomparably great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:18-19a

I have an embarrassing habit. When I am at a friend’s house and I grab a cup for water or coffee, I always check the inside to see if it’s clean! I really hope none of my friends have noticed me doing this (although I guess I am outing myself now). It has absolutely nothing to do with their housekeeping abilities or any doubts of mine about their dishwashing habits. Rather, it results from the fact that at my house my children are responsible for washing my dishes and the level of irresponsibleness varies from child to child so that checking the inside of cups has become an ingrained habit.

I love not having to do dishes all of the time. For the most part, the older children do a thorough job. The younger ones though, do not seem to realize that if an item comes out of the clean dishwasher still dirty, it does not magically become clean in the cupboard. I have saved myself from many a gross incident by checking before using a cup or silverware.

As my children mature, they become more responsible and they do a better job with all of their chores. I will need to do less checking of my dishes in the future. Right now though, it is still my job to be checking the insides of my children themselves. As a parent, I try to make sure I check in regularly with their hearts. Some of my kids are quieter than others and if I am not alert, they can slip through the cracks especially in the shadow of a more needy or demanding sibling. It is important that I find times, or create times with each child so they can share how they are feeling or just get a chance to connect with me.

Again, as my children have grown older this also looks different. With my two oldest I am learning how to move from constant “Mom” mode into more of a friend/mentor/encourager. This is not always easy, there are many, many times that I want to just grab my scrub brush and get to work on their insides! At these times I try to take a deep breath and remind myself that God has always kept my children in His hands and that He loves them even more than I do. Better than that, He knows them better than I do and will protect and guide them. I love the verse that says, “I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.” II Timothy 1:12b