Blog

Nowhere is this truer than with children. As soon as one of my kids perceives the slightest injustice to themselves, they want to make sure that at least one of their siblings is just as miserable.

This mostly centers around chores and responsibilities at home. This can include anything from doing the dishes to doing schoolwork. The questions come fast and furious:

“Why doesn’t he have to do the dishes?”

“Why isn’t she doing math?”

“Why do I have to sweep?”

Evidently they want their siblings to share in the misery of the moment. What actually happens, though, is they make us as parents miserable!

I have lost count of the number of times that I have explained that everyone has their own chores/homework to do, that nobody has to do more than anyone else, and that if they would just do it when it is time to do it, they would be done quickly.

Hopefully someday soon, my younger children will figure all of this out just like their older siblings have (for the most part) and quickly take care of their responsibilities and move on with other things that are more enjoyable. Maybe they will even find it in themselves to help each other with chores and complete them even quicker.

I am not sure what it is in human nature that makes us feel just a little bit better to know someone else is suffering too. This is definitely not one of our finer qualities! When we can show sympathy and even empathy, it is so much better. In a way, Jesus while here in human form, turned this tendency on its head.

Instead of requiring us to each go through the suffering and punishment of the cross that we all deserve, He put Himself in our places. He did warn us that there would be tough things to go through, but He promised to always be with us even then. Jesus finds absolutely no pleasure in our suffering. Instead, Jesus wants to free us from our pain and eventually, if we believe in Him and allow Him to forgive us, He will welcome us to a place where, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

During the height of the Covid quarantine, my younger kids would go a little stir-crazy because they were not allowed to go play with their friends. Their solution was to meet their friends down at the fence, each group of siblings “socially distanced” on their respective sides. They would have a great time, but it was unnatural for all of them.

People have always been amazed that despite the large size of our family, we do not have a very big house. Something we noticed very early on in parenting, is that children are natural herd-animals. The kids would always be in a little clump throughout the day. It really wasn’t until they were teenagers that they separated from the pack and even then they stay fairly physically close to each other. We really didn’t need a large house because they don’t spread out.

The funny thing was that it wasn’t just a sibling thing. I remember having their friends over when they were all still young and no matter how many kids it might end up being, they would move amoeba-like wherever and whatever they were doing!

I have observed this closeness among kids on up into their young twenties. They seem to innately know that they need each other, that there is comfort in togetherness. The sad thing is as we grow older we seem to lose this knowledge. Instead of staying close with others, we can begin erecting fences of our own to keep us safe. After all, by the time we are adults, most of us have experienced some kind of hurt that we don’t want to experience again. I am not talking about healthy boundaries. All of us, including children, need to have good boundaries in place. These are more like walled-off places in our hearts.

The problem with these kind of walls is that not only do they keep other people out, they also keep God out. We are essentially telling Him that these areas of our souls are too broken for even Him to enter into. This couldn’t be further from the truth. God is willing to come into all of our areas of hurt and to heal our hearts.

My children were so excited the day they were finally physically reunited with their friends. The fence was no longer a barrier between them. Now it was simply a passageway between their yards. I believe this is what God wants to do with our fences as well. He wants to use them as passageways to greater healing in our lives and also as ways to reach other people. They become stories of victory and encouragement to share with others.

“…with my God I can scale a wall.” Psalm 18:29b

As you all know by now, I am a people person. I am blessed with many friends whom I love dearly and this is such a blessing to me. Every now and then, though, one of my friends will hand me a huge, heavy boulder.

The first time this happened, I didn’t know what to do. For awhile I tried carrying it around with me. After all, it was something very important to my friend so it seemed wrong to just stick it in a closet or set it on a shelf. The problem was that is was, well, heavy.

I also found that it got in the way of doing other things. As long as I was holding one friend’s boulder, I couldn’t seem to get close to other friends and I most certainly couldn’t carry anyone else’s boulder, my arms were full!

The boulder began to turn into a strange pet of sorts. I couldn’t seem to part from it, but it was also very demanding of my emotions. Instead of getting lighter, the boulder seemed to get heavier the longer I held it. As much as I longed to set it down, that didn’t appear to be the right solution. How could I leave it sitting there alone?

Finally, I heard a still, small voice tell me what to do. “Give it up.” Up? How could I lift this thing up, it is heavy! Again, “give it up.” And so I lifted, slowly, slowly. As I did, I felt God’s gentle hands reach down carry it up the rest of the way to Him.

I learned that I was never meant to carry people’s hurts and burdens their, “boulders,” most of the time people aren’t even desiring that. I am meant to lovingly listen and then carry those hurts straight to God for Him to heal. Sometimes, when I hear something especially heavy, I will even physically go through the motion of handing it up to Him. I can be confident that He loves my friends even more than I do and that I can trust their burdens, and them, to Him.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all of your cares on Him because He cares for you.” I Peter 5:6-7

Don’t you just love little kids? They have no inhibitions whatsoever. They will sing, skip, climb and jump no matter the venue. I recently saw a little guy dancing his heart out in the middle of a grocery store aisle.

I, as an adult, am naturally a little more reticent. There are most certainly times when I am overtaken with a sense of joy and may feel like flinging my arms out and doing a twirl. But I hold myself back. Why is this? Who made these rules that us adults must be more stoic and reserved?

It certainly wasn’t God. Over and over in the Bible, He shows how He values joy. The Bible characters themselves portray this to us. King David danced with so much joy and enthusiasm before God that he caught the criticism of his wife.

This story really hits close to home for me. You see, my husband does not have a problem with dancing in the grocery store. In fact, his motto is that if they didn’t want people singing and dancing in the store, they wouldn’t play music! Honestly, God has had to do a lot of work on me in this area. I am very mission-oriented when I am shopping and do not understand taking time to play and dance while on that mission. However, as in many other areas, God has softened my heart and helped me move past the perfectionism that held me back so often in the past. Again, who made these “rules” that one cannot have fun even while doing a mundane task such as grocery shopping?

So these days you might catch me singing along with the old soft-rock songs in the store, or even catch a glimpse of my husband and I taking a twirl in an aisle at Walmart!

“A cheerful heart is good medicine.” Proverbs 17:22a

My friend Debbie has the sweetest chocolate lab named Gelato. He is an enthusiastic, BIG doggy who loves his treats! What he doesn’t like though, is waiting for his treats.

Obviously, you cannot have a giant lab jumping all over you for a treat, so Debbie has taught him to sit and wait. She will say, “Wait, wait.” Then when he is given permission, he finally gets to take the treat from her hand.

To be honest, I can totally relate with Gelato. I have a feeling that he does not enjoy the “wait, wait” part of receiving his treats. Neither do I enjoy the times when it seems that that is all I am hearing from God!

You see, I like things to happen immediately. If my friend is sick, I would like her to be well now. If I am having teenager trouble, I want things to be fixed now. If I am uncertain about my finances for the month, I want it solved–you guessed it–now! However, after all this time, I have figured out that God does not necessarily work that way. Sometimes His plan is for me to wait a long time for an answer. I have also learned that He is not doing this out of unkindness. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I usually end up learning more in these times of waiting than I would have any other way. The waiting draws me closer to God as I wrestle and pray, and yes, question. God is not afraid of our questions and will speak in the waiting if we let Him.

This waiting on God is nothing new. The stories in the Bible seem to move at quite a fast pace, but if you pay attention to the time frames recorded, the Bible characters knew something about waiting. Noah spent around 120 years waiting for the flood. Abraham waited, albeit imperfectly, for his promised heir for 25 years. Moses spent 40 years in between his times in Egypt just hanging out in the desert and watching sheep! This is probably why there are so many verses in the Bible about waiting on God and being still while we do it. This seems to be the thing that I hear from God most frequently, “Be still and know that I am God.” God is gracious enough not to follow that up with a direct, “and you are not!” But I still get the picture.

The difference between Gelato and me (besides our species, of course) is that he knows what his treat is going to be. His keen sense of smell tells him what is coming. In my case, I am regularly surprised at the outcome of my waiting times. Rarely do they end the way I thought they would, and this is a good thing! God’s way is always better than mine.

So the next time I hear God saying, “Wait…wait,” I am going to think of Gelato and try to wait just as expectantly for good things from my Heavenly Father.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14