Mourning On The Inside

Most of my readers know that I do not normally talk about current events in this blog. Throughout all of the craziness due to shelter-in-place and other very upsetting things happening in the world, I have tried to keep this as a tiny respite from the storm, a place of grace and encouragement. However, today I am going to veer from my norm a little and talk about something that I have been experiencing and I suspect quite a few of you are experiencing as well.

For the past couple weeks I have had a heavy weariness. I had finally been feeling some hope that we were moving past the worst of the pandemic in our country as things began to open up again. And then the numbers of people getting sick began to rise. I do not want in any way to mitigate the suffering of those who are ill and fighting for their lives or those grieving the loss of loved ones who lost that fight, but what I want to address is the feeling that the rest of us have of mourning on the inside.

We have heard the term, “new normal,” being thrown around quite a lot, but I don’t exactly grasp what that means. I know for me it has made me feel pressured to adjust quickly to the major changes happening daily, sometimes hourly, without being able to stop and grieve. Being isolated from friends and loved ones, without even being able to give or receive a hug, has forced this grief inward and made me feel alone.

Especially as a parent trying to put on a brave face for my kids, trying to make things better as event after event is canceled for them, has caused me to not show my own disappointment. I am trying to talk with my kids and listen to their feelings, but as any of you that are locked in your house with kids know, there is not much reciprocity from children!

My comfort in this unprecedented time has been the same Comforter who has seen me through countless other grieving times in my life. I have been pouring out my heart to the Holy Spirit in a way that maybe I haven’t done before. As I grieve all of the things happening in our nation, our world and even my own family, He has been faithful as always to hold my weary heart and carry me through. It is not easy, but I feel like God is drawing me into an even deeper relationship with Himself and He has been revealing His word to me in a new way.

So for any of you that are also feeling like you are mourning on the inside while having to scramble to keep up with changes flying at you constantly, I would like to give you some verses that have been very comforting to me lately. Also to encourage you that your Heavenly Father knows all things and sees you right where you are, even if you are staying at home with children! He is a whispered prayer away, even if that prayer is simply the word, “help.”

“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.” Psalm 119:50

“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” Romans 5:1-5

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6

“I know Whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.” II Timothy 1:12