“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” “Looks can be deceiving.” “You only get one chance to make a first impression.” Hold on, which one is it? We are given so many conflicting messages about appearances it’s hard to know what to think.
I had an opportunity recently to test impressions based on appearances alone, at a workshop I held for my piano studio. This is a time for students to get together in a more casual environment than a recital, perform for each other, learn a little theory, play some games, and of course have cake! At this workshop I wanted to focus on stage presence and work on things such as bowing to their audience. To emphasize the importance of stage presence, I asked the students, (which, by the way, ranged in age from 4 to 50) to pretend that we were at a recital and it was my turn to perform next. I got up from my seat, ambled up to the piano, plopped myself down, poised my hands over the keys and sat there with a bored expression on my face. I then asked my students how my performance was going to be. The unanimous answer? Terrible! So I tried again. This time I popped up from my seat, walked confidently to the piano, bowed, sat down with a smile on my face and again poised my hands over the keys. How was my not-even-performed piece that time? Wonderful! I have to admit, even though I got the answers I was looking for, I was a little startled. I really didn’t realize to what extent our appearances affect those around us.
It got me to thinking about us as women, how we notice the outside of each other so much. The problem with that is, I know what a mess I am on the inside, but I am comparing my inside with someone else’s outside. I look at another lady in the grocery store with her hair perfectly colored, her nails done and her healthy veggies in her cart and I compare that to how stressed or maybe even depressed I am feeling that day. The ironic thing is that she has probably already done the same thing to me, comparing something she sees about me to something she is feeling inside. I am not saying we are shallow, rather, as my workshop experiment proved, that we are somehow wired this way.
I believe this is where grace comes in. First, in realizing that none of us are as perfect as we perceive each other to be. Second, I know we as women talk, but I think we need to talk even more. Maybe just in a different and more vulnerable way. I know it can be scary to tell someone how you are really feeling, but again, it seems every time I do, the other woman breathes a sigh of relief and says, “Me too!” Third, know that you are an amazingly beautiful woman, created by a loving God to do wonderful things. It says so right in the Bible: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14. And, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10.
Confidence on stage is not a bad thing, neither is trying to present yourself well in life. My prayer would just be that we give ourselves enough grace to really be who we are and that we would extend that grace to each other so we could see each other more and more how Christ sees us.
Is this your best day ever? Recently I handed my four year old three marshmallows and he proclaimed, “This is my best day ever!” Wow. What if we could get that excited about the little things? Wouldn’t it be great if we could let the happy little things influence our days like that?
Because I have eight children, it is hard to get quality time alone with each one. I try to find opportunities for one-on-one time by taking a child with me when I run an errand or have a day of grocery shopping. It might not be the most exciting thing, but it gives us special time together. I try to make it more fun by inserting a treat into the day here and there. With such a large family going out to eat is a rarity, so I usually buy them lunch. The bins at the WinCo store have great candy so I might let them pick out a few pieces. For my ones that love Starbucks like their Mommy does, we might stop for a “coffee break.”
I have the strangest thoughts sometimes. I was looking out the window a few minutes ago at the weeds one of my sons recently cut down, and I noticed that instead of giving up they just bloomed close to the ground where they were cut. I thought, “I wish I was that tough. That when a frustrated boy whacked my head off I just decided to bloom anyway.” I guess that is a somewhat different spin on the saying, “Bloom where you are planted.” It would be nice when things are really awful to have the tenacity to just smile anyway and know I have the joy of the Lord. In reality a lot of the time when the weed whacker hits me, I just lay there drying up in the sun.
Another thing about weeds is they will grow anywhere. They come up in cracks in any sidewalk or patio. Just give them a teaspoon of soil and a few drops of water and here they come. They aren’t like me. I have to wait until the conditions are perfect until I bloom. “God you can’t possibly use me yet, I haven’t learned enough. My home is a mess, my kids are a mess, I’m a mess!” God responds, “If you have Me, you have everything you need. And besides, it’s not about you doing it anyway, but Me doing things through you.”
My family recently had a week off for spring break. We had intended to go camping, but there were no campgrounds open yet and the weather was calling for rain mid-week. I decided to come up with a list of family activities and try to do one or two a day. I couldn’t tell my kids what the activities were ahead of time or when we might be doing them, because my kids are those set-in-stone type of people that can’t deviate from a plan, (don’t know where they get that!) My idea worked fairly well, the children enjoyed the surprise of ice cream on Monday and s’mores later that evening. The thing I saw as the week went on though, was that it was hard to convince them to stop one fun activity so we could do a different one.
“I’m sorry, but the forecast is calling for pouring rain all weekend.” My thirteen year old fisherman did not take the canceling of his camping/fishing trip well. He had spent two days preparing already. Sorting fishing gear, carefully finding and counting worms to make sure he had enough. He was basically ready for two weeks of back country survival, (the canceled trip was for two days at a local lake.)