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All I can say is that if you plan on having a large family or already have one, you better learn to relax quickly.We recently got to go camping overnight with some friends.  I was strategic and left my 6 year old, who is not a fan of the great outdoors, and my 2 year old, who is well, 2, with my sister.  That left me with only five kids.  (My oldest is on a mission trip right now and my husband had to work.)  I was cautiously optimistic.  The two older boys are seasoned Boy Scout campers so I left the packing of equipment up to them.  The two girls are fairly self-sufficient, so the only one that could have been challenging was my 4 year old little guy.

We ended up having a great day and that evening my friends took a few of the kids out on the boat.  The other children were playing nicely, the sun was setting over the lake.  The fire was crackling at my feet as I sat in front of it.  It was amazing, I got 60 WHOLE seconds to relax.  It was beautiful.  Then children came back to chat by the fire.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but when you have child-chaos around you most of the day it is very important to try to find a minute here and there to just take a breath.  There are quite a few types of exercise regimens that teach you how to relax quickly, or breathe deeply.  I think the reason they teach some of those before you have a baby is not so much for the delivery, but for the next 18 to 20 years of raising your child!

It was really wonderful to get to spend some time outdoors camping by the lake, but I can’t always wait for those kind of opportunities to relax.  The great thing is in Exodus 33:14, God promises, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”  That means wherever we are at, with however many kids!  Right now some things I am doing to take a minute to breathe are: stepping outside for a couple minutes while the children are starting to clean up from a meal; watering my garden by myself in the morning; going out in the evening and watering my patio plants.  The tricky thing about even stepping away for a minute is “Mommy guilt” kicks in fairly quickly.  Don’t feel guilty!  We moms give so much all the time that we will not make it if we don’t take a little break every now and then.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”  Isaiah 30:15

What are some ways you take 60 seconds to relax?  I would love to hear some of your ideas!  Also, next week I will tell you how my four year old did camping…

Most of the time when I am writing I will think of a topic and then a Bible verse or two will come to me that goes along with the topic.  The other day I was reading in Psalms and some verses made me think of a topic.

The verses are Psalm 59:14-15, please forgive me as I change a couple of the words:  “They return when it is time for Mom to make dinner, snarling like dogs, and prowl about the kitchen.  They wander about for food and howl if not satisfied.”  As I’m sure every mom reading this can relate, these verses made me think of my children, especially the younger ones.

My children have an uncanny ability to come into my kitchen at exactly 4:00 in the afternoon, right as I am about to begin making dinner and start looking for something to eat.  (They just had a snack at 3:00.)  We then go into our food routine, “I’m hungry!”  I tell them I’m making dinner.  “What’s for dinner?”  I say, “Food.”  This gets me an eye-roll from the older kids.  My 2 year old all of a sudden remembers that she is a Mama’s girl and insists that I hold her, but also that I continue to cook her “num-nums.”  Mind you she is over thirty pounds now.  In the midst of this the 4 and 6 year olds are whining at me and getting in my way.  Can anyone relate?!?

I don’t know what it is about this time of day, but it is just plain hard.  Every mom I have talked to about this subject agrees.  It would be nice if at 4:00 our kitchens could transform into caves that we could retreat into and then emerge victoriously from at dinner time with a beautiful, healthy meal.  The reality is that my kitchen is wide open into the living room, and my children would probably devour each other while I was in my kitchen-cave anyway.

There are a few things I have found that help.  Like I mentioned, I do try to make sure the kids get a snack in the afternoon, that helps a little.  I LOVE my crockpot.  Those are the best days, when I have managed to get a crockpot meal going in the morning. Another thing I have found is that my younger ones especially like to “help” with cooking dinner.  They love to run, get an onion from the pantry and peel it for me.  They also like to get other pantry items.  My older girls are able to retrieve things out of the freezers in the garage.  (Being such a large family we have 2 freezers in the garage.)

To be honest, the hardest thing to change about this difficult time of day is my own attitude.  I feel out of patience, a little tired, and cranky.  I find myself wishing we could skip dinner altogether.  However, when we do finally all make it to the table it is a good time.  Yes, dinner can be loud and a little overwhelming, but we are all together in the same place and I know that won’t last forever.  Just like some day 4:00 will roll around and I will probably wish a few kids were back in my kitchen for me to trip over.

Psalm 59:14-15  “They return at evening, snarling like dogs, and prowl about the city.  They wander about for food and howl if not satisfied.”

The encouragement for us comes in at verse 16 of Psalm 59:  “For you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.  O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”  “Looks can be deceiving.”  “You only get one chance to make a first impression.”  Hold on, which one is it?  We are given so many conflicting messages about appearances it’s hard to know what to think.

I had an opportunity recently to test impressions based on appearances alone, at a workshop I held for my piano studio.  This is a time for students to get together in a more casual environment than a recital, perform for each other, learn a little theory, play some games, and of course have cake!  At this workshop I wanted to focus on stage presence and work on things such as bowing to their audience.  To emphasize the importance of stage presence, I asked the students, (which, by the way, ranged in age from 4 to 50) to pretend that we were at a recital and it was my turn to perform next.  I got up from my seat, ambled up to the piano, plopped myself down, poised my hands over the keys and sat there with a bored expression on my face.  I then asked my students how my performance was going to be.  The unanimous answer?  Terrible!  So I tried again.  This time I popped up from my seat, walked confidently to the piano, bowed, sat down with a smile on my face and again poised my hands over the keys.  How was my not-even-performed piece that time?  Wonderful!  I have to admit, even though I got the answers I was looking for, I was a little startled.  I really didn’t realize to what extent our appearances affect those around us.

It got me to thinking about us as women, how we notice the outside of each other so much.  The problem with that is, I know what a mess I am on the inside, but I am comparing my inside with someone else’s outside.  I look at another lady in the grocery store with her hair perfectly colored, her nails done and her healthy veggies in her cart and I compare that to how stressed or maybe even depressed I am feeling that day.  The ironic thing is that she has probably already done the same thing to me, comparing something she sees about me to something she is feeling inside.  I am not saying we are shallow, rather, as my workshop experiment proved, that we are somehow wired this way.

I believe this is where grace comes in.  First, in realizing that none of us are as perfect as we perceive each other to be.  Second, I know we as women talk, but I think we need to talk even more.  Maybe just in a different and more vulnerable way.  I know it can be scary to tell someone how you are really feeling, but again, it seems every time I do, the other woman breathes a sigh of relief and says, “Me too!”  Third, know that you are an amazingly beautiful woman, created by a loving God to do wonderful things.  It says so right in the Bible:  “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  Psalm 139:14.  And,  “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2:10.

Confidence on stage is not a bad thing, neither is trying to present yourself well in life.  My prayer would just be that we give ourselves enough grace to really be who we are and that we would extend that grace to each other so we could see each other more and more how Christ sees us.

Is this your best day ever?  Recently I handed my four year old three marshmallows and he proclaimed, “This is my best day ever!”  Wow.  What if we could get that excited about the little things?  Wouldn’t it be great if we could let the happy little things influence our days like that?

What if when we woke up in the morning our first thought was, “This is great, I have another day on planet earth!  I can’t wait to see what happens today!”  Better yet, what if we actually looked for the happy things, the blessings hiding throughout our days?

Ann Voskamp’s book, “One Thousand Gifts” made a huge impact on me in this area.*  She was challenged by a friend to write down one thousand blessings.  The book is about her journey as she pursued that challenge and how it changed her outlook on life.  As she started writing things down, she was able to start seeing the blessings hiding in plain sight.

As I have written my own list of gifts, it has helped me see good things even in days that I would not necessarily call my best.  That list has also helped me see God’s faithfulness in showing up over and over to surprise me with blessings:  the sun shining through an oak tree; a perfect spider web covered in dew drops; a little boy excited about a few marshmallows.

But what about the days that are really hard?  As Ann continued on her journey of discovering gifts, she learned about seeing the blessings even in the dark times.  I really believe God is still there in those times waiting to show us the good gifts He has put throughout our days and also to help us look at situations from His point of view.  Someone was telling me about a video they saw about a mom having what she thought was a really rough day.  Then she got to hear her daughter tell her daddy about the day from her point of view and everything “bad” that had happened was actually “happy” in the little girl’s eyes.

May we not get so caught up in the perfect that we fail to see the best.  My challenge to all of us is to look for the gifts in each moment, “good” or “bad” and maybe this will be our best day ever!

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;  his mercies never come to an end;  they are new every morning;  great is your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23

* I would highly recommend Ann Voskamp’s book, “One Thousand Gifts: A Dare To Live Fully Right Where You Are” published by Zondervan.

Because I have eight children, it is hard to get quality time alone with each one.  I try to find opportunities for one-on-one time by taking a child with me when I run an errand or have a day of grocery shopping.  It might not be the most exciting thing, but it gives us special time together.  I try to make it more fun by inserting a treat into the day here and there.  With such a large family going out to eat is a rarity, so I usually buy them lunch.  The bins at the WinCo store have great candy so I might let them pick out a few pieces.  For my ones that love Starbucks like their Mommy does, we might stop for a “coffee break.”

It does get a little frustrating though, because a lot of the time as our day together goes on, the children start to expect a treat every time I turn around.  Which, then of course means we get to have a conversation about gratefulness and contentment!  When I get to spend time with my children I want it to be about building our relationship and getting to know each other better, not just about what I can give them.

I love getting to spend quiet time with my heavenly Father.  When I do get time to be still and pray, I want to make sure I am not just asking for blessings for myself, which honestly mostly have to do with material things that He has already promised through the Bible that He will provide.  I would rather spend time worshiping who He is and getting to know Him better.

If I am crying out like a toddler, “More, more!”  I would rather it be for more love and patience with my children, more love for my fellow human beings, and for more of Jesus in my life.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:25 & 6:32-33

I have the strangest thoughts sometimes.  I was looking out the window a few minutes ago at the weeds one of my sons recently cut down, and I noticed that instead of giving up they just bloomed close to the ground where they were cut.  I thought, “I wish I was that tough.  That when a frustrated boy whacked my head off I just decided to bloom anyway.”  I guess that is a somewhat different spin on the saying, “Bloom where you are planted.”  It would be nice when things are really awful to have the tenacity to just smile anyway and know I have the joy of the Lord.  In reality a lot of the time when the weed whacker hits me, I just lay there drying up in the sun.

Another thing about weeds is they will grow anywhere.  They come up in cracks in any sidewalk or patio.  Just give them a teaspoon of soil and a few drops of water and here they come.  They aren’t like me.  I have to wait until the conditions are perfect until I bloom.  “God you can’t possibly use me yet, I haven’t learned enough.  My home is a mess, my kids are a mess, I’m a mess!”  God responds, “If you have Me, you have everything you need.  And besides, it’s not about you doing it anyway, but Me doing things through you.”

One of my favorite things about weeds is being presented with a little fist full of “flowers” from my children.  They are so happy and proud to give Mommy a beautiful bouquet.  All spring long my counter is adorned with vases filled with these offerings of love.

I want to learn to be like weeds.  I want to bloom where I’m planted.  I want to use the resources God gives me, and not complain about what I don’t have.  When someone is mean to me I want to be able to forgive and grow past the hurt.  And at the end of my life I would be so happy to have Jesus present me to His Father as a beautiful bouquet, an offering of love. 

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.  James 1:12