Blog

I’m sure you have all heard the expression, “hopping mad,” but at my house, my little seven-year-old guy has got “hopping happy” down to an art!

The thing I admire most about his expression of joy, is that it doesn’t take much to bring on the hopping. We are going to read a book together? Hop, hop, hop. Biscuits with dinner? We get to play with play-doh? Another cucumber from our garden? And off he goes bounce, bouncing away.

As an adult and parent, I don’t generally do too much jumping with joy myself. Unfortunately I have a tendency to let the cares in my life weigh me down too much to feel light enough to hop. However, as a follower of Jesus, this is not the way I have to live.

Jesus’ first recorded sermon, in fact, is all about how to be blessed, or happy. In what we call the Beatitudes, He lists all kinds of ways we can truly be hoppin’ happy. The tricky thing is when we look at His list, some of the circumstances do not immediately look “happy” to us. Wait a minute, how can I be happy when I mourn? Also, most people do not want to be counted among the meek or poor in spirit. But when we look deeper and begin to really understand how God’s ways work, we can see how the happiness unfolds.

A therapist friend of mine was recently explaining to me how in order to truly heal from past hurts, it is crucial that people allow themselves to really grieve them. She said if we do not let ourselves get to the yucky, deep down pain, it can be like a physical wound that just heals over but festers underneath. So all of a sudden, “Happy are those who mourn, for they will be comforted,” began to make sense to me.

Honestly, I struggle with the idea that God might actually want me to be happy. I was brought up with the teaching that He didn’t necessarily want happiness for me, but rather joy. And my understanding of the kind of joy those teaching me meant, was a grit-your-teeth and hang onto God’s teachings by your fingernails, but you are going to be thankful for your circumstances no matter what! Definitely not a lot of hopping in that teaching.

The closer I have walked with God though, the more understanding I have of the happiness He wants me to have in Him. He does not want me hanging on by sheer grit. He wants me to rest in Him, in fact, to delight in Him! I have walked through some excruciatingly difficult things in my life, but I am learning more and more how to give my burdens to God, even to the point that every now and then I feel a little hop in my step!

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Matthew 5:6

Most of my readers know that I do not normally talk about current events in this blog. Throughout all of the craziness due to shelter-in-place and other very upsetting things happening in the world, I have tried to keep this as a tiny respite from the storm, a place of grace and encouragement. However, today I am going to veer from my norm a little and talk about something that I have been experiencing and I suspect quite a few of you are experiencing as well.

For the past couple weeks I have had a heavy weariness. I had finally been feeling some hope that we were moving past the worst of the pandemic in our country as things began to open up again. And then the numbers of people getting sick began to rise. I do not want in any way to mitigate the suffering of those who are ill and fighting for their lives or those grieving the loss of loved ones who lost that fight, but what I want to address is the feeling that the rest of us have of mourning on the inside.

We have heard the term, “new normal,” being thrown around quite a lot, but I don’t exactly grasp what that means. I know for me it has made me feel pressured to adjust quickly to the major changes happening daily, sometimes hourly, without being able to stop and grieve. Being isolated from friends and loved ones, without even being able to give or receive a hug, has forced this grief inward and made me feel alone.

Especially as a parent trying to put on a brave face for my kids, trying to make things better as event after event is canceled for them, has caused me to not show my own disappointment. I am trying to talk with my kids and listen to their feelings, but as any of you that are locked in your house with kids know, there is not much reciprocity from children!

My comfort in this unprecedented time has been the same Comforter who has seen me through countless other grieving times in my life. I have been pouring out my heart to the Holy Spirit in a way that maybe I haven’t done before. As I grieve all of the things happening in our nation, our world and even my own family, He has been faithful as always to hold my weary heart and carry me through. It is not easy, but I feel like God is drawing me into an even deeper relationship with Himself and He has been revealing His word to me in a new way.

So for any of you that are also feeling like you are mourning on the inside while having to scramble to keep up with changes flying at you constantly, I would like to give you some verses that have been very comforting to me lately. Also to encourage you that your Heavenly Father knows all things and sees you right where you are, even if you are staying at home with children! He is a whispered prayer away, even if that prayer is simply the word, “help.”

“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.” Psalm 119:50

“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” Romans 5:1-5

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6

“I know Whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.” II Timothy 1:12

I have spent a good portion of my life running in the wrong direction.

I realized I have been running from things when it would have been better to be running toward things. Running from my past instead of toward my future. Running from hurt instead of toward love. Running from sin instead of toward grace.

There are many problems in this, but one of the biggest is when we are running from something, that is what we are focusing on. I am so busy looking over my shoulder, not looking where I am going, that I might just end up anywhere! And probably not somewhere I had thought I would end up.

Another big problem is that what we look at and focus on, we become. If I am constantly looking over my shoulder at my past, hurt and sin, I might continue to look like them. I would much rather turn my eyes toward my future that God has planned for me, the love He has for me, the grace He extends to me.

Someone running away from something is usually panting in fear, out of breath, out of shape because they haven’t planned on running, and are wearing out from the work it takes. In contrast, a person choosing the direction or goal they are running toward has usually taken the time to prepare. They have the correct footwear, they have prepared their body physically. They have prepared their mind. They have prepared their will by determination and self-discipline. This person is in shape and focused on a target.

Paul, in the Bible, knew all about this kind of running. He said he had disciplined his body in order to run the kind of race Jesus had called him to. He knew that he couldn’t look back at what he had been longer than was necessary to be completely repentant and grateful. After that it was time to press on to the prize that was before him: life in Christ.

This is the kind of running that I want to do. I want to train myself so that I keep spiritually and mentally fit. I don’t want to look behind me or run aimlessly. Most of all I want to run with joy toward the prize of a life with Jesus!

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to take the prize. Everyone who competes in the games trains with strict discipline. They do it for a crown that is perishable, but we do it for a crown that is imperishable. Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like I am beating the air. No, I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” I Corinthians 9:24-27

Sometimes I feel less like a parent and more like my favorite fictional detective, Hercule Poirot.

Every day is filled with mysteries to solve: Did they really brush their teeth? Who left the wet towel on the carpet AGAIN? Whose turn is it to do the dishes? And on and on it goes.

As difficult or time consuming as these types of mysteries are, there are far more important questions that come up while raising children: Am I really teaching them anything? Are they becoming the people God designed them to be? Are they ever going to learn to be kind to their siblings???

I don’t think even Sherlock himself could figure out the answer to that last question! I guess the answer remains to be seen.

My most important role in this detective-parenting however, is discovering ways each day to point their hearts towards God. I need to be listening, watching and praying for the opportunities to have conversations about Jesus. It does take slowing down and looking for clues from my children about how they are feeling or what they are thinking about. But if I am paying attention, God creates those times for me, I just need to be willing to stop other things I might be doing and take advantage of them.

That is one thing I have been grateful for with sheltering-in-place, it has created more time for me to spend with my children. We have had opportunities to talk about more of God’s truths together. I have re-discovered how important it is to examine the wonders of God’s mysteries with my children as they share their hearts.

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” Deuteronomy 29:29

Does your family have a favorite bowl? It’s the one that you have to use to mix up brownies or they just won’t taste quite right. Or the one that all the birthday cakes get made in. Maybe it’s Great-Grandma’s bowl for her special dessert that she always managed to be pulling piping-hot from the oven as you walked through her door?

At my house it is a dark blue mixing bowl. I simply don’t believe that I could make brownies in another bowl! My bowl is no longer perfect, it’s been around awhile. There is a chip on the side from when it was used to take scraps out to the chickens back in the day. The funny thing is that chip almost makes it more endearing to me.

My bowl has a history and a story–just like me. I also have been around awhile and have collected my share of “chips” and bumps. The awesome thing is that instead of them making me worthless, ready to be thrown out, they make me stronger and more resilient. I am so thankful that God does not need perfect vessels in His family. He takes me with all my imperfections and still uses me for His glory.

The even better news is that unlike the chip on my bowl, God can actually heal the hurts of my life. They don’t disappear, but instead transform into tools that He then uses to help someone else. If you are feeling like maybe you have just been around too long to be of value, or that you have too many imperfections for God to love you or use you, please remember that He is not looking for perfect people. Perfect people would be of no use to Him because they would not have a story to share and they certainly would not need Him!

So don’t be afraid to come to God with all your bumps and bruises and imperfections. He is just waiting to use you and your story in His bigger story, the one where in the end He conquers all and we are with Him forever!

“Now we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this surpassingly great power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on all sides, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” II Corinthians 4:7-9