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My short term memory is not so great. I think all of my memory-making ability was used up in childhood. I can seriously remember what my baby food tasted like, but I can’t remember something one of my kids said to me yesterday!

This inability to remember drives my family crazy, mostly because I won’t admit it. Even though forgetting day to day little things is inconvenient, it is not the worst of my memory problems. Turns out I have the memory of a disciple.

You would think that Jesus’ disciples would be the most faith-filled guys around. They were there for every miracle. They lived with Jesus day in and day out. However, they seem like they have the memories of proverbial goldfish!

For example, they see Jesus feed over 5,000 people using just a few loaves of bread and a couple fish. Then just a couple pages later in my Bible, they need to feed a crowd again and seem to have completely forgotten the first miracle of abundance. This time Jesus feeds over 4,000 people with 7 loaves and a few small fish. And yet, on the very next page they are all worried because they forgot to take some bread on a trip across the lake!

At this point, Jesus sounds a little like my family. “How have you already forgotten that I fed over 9,000 people recently starting with just a tiny amount of food?” Okay, maybe I am paraphrasing, but Jesus does rebuke them for their lack of faith and also their forgetfulness. This is where I am unfortunately similar to the disciples.

Jesus has provided for me over and over again in my life, one time literally giving me loaves and fishes, and yet I tend to forget. I begin to worry and plan. Then Jesus patiently shows up, yet again, and provides in a completely unexpected way. Beyond that, just as Jesus was more concerned about his disciples souls than their stomachs, I also sometimes focus on the temporary instead of the eternal.

Jesus is so good though, always gently reminding me that I can trust Him. He always, always takes care of me, even when I forget!

“I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” Psalm 9:1

No one warned me ahead of time about how much math is involved in having a large family.

I have always done well in English. I am musical. I have some artistic ability. However, simple math has always eluded me. Just trying to count sometimes is difficult, much less anything more complicated such as variables. And then we went and had a large family.

Now all day I find myself faced with word problems such as: If I have 8 children, but only 1 box of granola bars with 6 bars in it, how do I give each child a snack? Or a particular favorite of mine: If I spend 2 hours making a nutritious dinner for 10 of us, how many children are actually going to eat it and how many will just sit there glaring at their plate?

The car math is almost a whole different category: If our family is going on an outing, but 2 older children will not be joining us, but Grandma is, will we have enough space in the vehicle to pick up 2 of the children’s friends??? And the math also changes form when we are out somewhere: Wait, didn’t I come with 7 children? Why do I now have 8, or 6…*

It really goes on and on. How many chairs do we need for dinner tonight? How many sandwiches do we need for lunch today? How many loaves of bread do I have left, and if only 5 children are going to eat sandwiches for the next 3 days, but 1 of those children will not actually eat their sandwich so I could save it for her brother to eat the next day, how many days can I wait to go grocery shopping?!?!?

Thank goodness God’s math is a lot simpler: Jesus + cross + resurrection = gift of salvation. Forgiveness for others + love = peaceful relationships. Obedience + faithfulness = guidance from God. Our lives are so complicated these days, even if you don’t have a large family, that sometimes it is very restful to just go back to the basics: God loves me, nothing that ever happens surprises Him and He has a wonderful plan for my life. So I am going to go drink a cup of tea, think about those wonderful truths and rest my brain from all of the math, before I have to do it again for dinner…

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

*Just for the record, I have never actually left a child anywhere or accidentally brought anyone else’s child home with me!

Evidently I need coffee before I can have my coffee.

This morning I had managed to stagger to the kitchen, pour a nice big cup…and then spill it all over the counter and the floor. To my credit, and I have to admit, surprise, I did not get a drop on myself. After cleaning up the giant mess and pouring a new cup I came to the conclusion that maybe I need to somehow wake up and drink some coffee through a straw before even climbing out of bed!

In all seriousness though, there is something even more important than coffee in the morning and that is making time to be with Jesus. I have written before about starting my day with coffee and quiet time. This morning though, I began to think a little deeper about, “first Jesus.”

I realized this shouldn’t just apply to my mornings. In reality, I would be far better off if everything in my life came through this filter. What if instead of jumping straight to worry, I first asked Jesus what He thought about a situation? What if instead of being so quick to speak or answer I took a second to ask Jesus what He would say? How would Jesus respond to an interruption by a child?

Taking this even further, what if I included Jesus first in all my good times too. What if Jesus was the very first person I turned to when I saw a beautiful flower, read an uplifting verse, had someone give me a compliment?

I am a people person by nature and I love to share things with my friends and family. I am also a talker who naturally works out thoughts and feelings out loud with those same very patient friends and family! However, I still need to make sure that Jesus is still my number one go-to for everything.

So while drinking hot coffee through a straw first thing in the morning will probably not be a reality for me anytime soon, I can still begin my day with saying, “Good morning Jesus, what shall we do today?”

“I am the vine and you are the branches. The one who remains in Me, and I in him, will bear much fruit. For apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

As a parent, I find myself using a wide variety of events as object lessons for my children. Take the huge container of cheese puffs for instance. They were a wonderful way to illustrate Proverbs 25:16 to my son: If you find honey, (or cheese puffs) eat just what you need, (although does anyone really need cheese puffs?) lest you have too much and vomit it up, (all over the bathroom!) Needless to say this particular son is much more moderate in his consumption of treats!

As inconvenient, or messy as these lessons are for me, I am so grateful that my children are learning some of them while they are still at home. I do find myself asking God for strength and patience on a regular basis though.

Even though (hopefully) most of us learned some of the basic lessons while young: moderation, don’t steal, tell the truth, be kind; none of us is perfect and life is an ongoing learning process. I am so glad that God is a loving Father who doesn’t just leave us on our own to struggle and try to figure things out. He gave us an instruction manual full of guidance and wisdom.

In the Bible we meet all kinds of imperfect people going through God’s object lessons. Just as sometimes I want to force my children to make the right decision, sometimes I want to yell to someone in the Bible, “Stop! This is going to end badly!” However, God never allows the bad ending to be the true end, His perfect story always continues.

I am so thankful that this is still the case today. I have definitely not always made the wisest choices, but God in His mercy has still used them all for good, not that I have seen all the outcomes yet, but I am believing His promise. Knowing how my Heavenly Father has so lovingly and gently parented me helps me to have more grace for my own children, even after too many cheese puffs!

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Proverbs 1:7

I usually begin my day by having a quiet time. I have a cup of coffee and settle in with some devotional books, a journal and my Bible. However, I use the term “quiet” time rather loosely. In reality, with seven children still at home, it is more like a parade.

I can almost set my watch to the interruptions, it is about every 4-5 minutes. Most of the children simply come in, ask a question and then leave, but the baby of the family has me, (and everyone else) wrapped around her finger. She comes in looking all cute and cuddly and worms her way onto my lap. She is fairly quiet, so I am usually able to continue reading. She does have a self-appointed job though. When I get to my prayer journal, she holds my heart.

One of my Bible study leaders made each of us a prayer bookmark with all of our names on it so we would remember to keep each other in daily prayer. She decorated it with a puffy heart sticker. To a five year-old this is just wonderful. She loves to look at all the names on the list and feel the smooth, raised sticker. Every morning she invariably asks to hold my heart.

She of course does not know how true that statement is. As much as it is my job as a mother to protect, nurture and guide my children’s hearts, each one of them in their own unique way, holds mine.

This is the beautiful and sometimes painful part of being a parent. We literally give a piece of ourselves to our children and then trust that God will guide, protect and lead them. First to Himself and then to whatever they are called to do in their lives.

I am so thankful that I can trust God with my children’s hearts and also with my own. He is the perfect parent and the best holder of all of our hearts.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21

(Come and get me Disney!) But seriously, as we embark on a brand new year, we need brand new hope. Over this past year I have personally learned a lot about hope. For instance, did you know there are different types of hope?

In our culture and language we use the word hope rather casually. I hope it doesn’t rain, I hope my team wins, etc. In this way hope is more like fate or a fortune in a fortune cookie…it may or may not come true. This was my understanding of hope for a long time, a strong desire for a certain outcome but with no assurance of results. And then I got to a place in life where I didn’t even feel that. I found myself as close to hopelessness as I had ever been. That is when I learned that hope is much, much more than I had ever realized.

God gently led me to how hope is defined and used in the Bible. The first meaning He showed me blew me away. It is defined as, “Hope, not in the sense of an optimistic outlook, (which was good because I had lost all sense of optimism) or wishful thinking without any foundation, but in the sense of confident expectation based on solid certainty.”* This type of hope can be solid because it is not based on circumstances, or my feelings about them, but on the promises God gives me in the Bible. Hope like this covers all kinds of fears and worries. If I am worried about finances I can read Matthew 6:31-34 where Jesus is assuring the people that God knows our needs and will provide for them. If I am afraid I see in II Timothy that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. When I worry about my children I can turn to the book of Isaiah and find that all my children will be taught of God and great will be their peace. (Isaiah 54:13)

There is another type of hope that the Bible talks about as well. This is the definition that I think we all need to cling to as we walk into this new year: “Expectation; something yearned for and anticipated eagerly; something for which one waits. To look hopefully in a particular direction.”* I believe every one of us has been looking in the direction of a new year, hoping for change.

So if we put these two definitions of hope together, we can find ourselves eagerly and confidently entering this new year. We can have the expectation that our God will provide everything we need. He will fulfill all His promises to us and fill us once again with a new hope.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

*These definitions are from the Strong’s concordance. I did not copy them out exactly. They are numbers 1680 and 8615 respectively if you would like to look them up.