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I think my all-time favorite child-ism is when they tell me, “It hurts when I do this!”  My inevitable answer, “Then don’t do that!”  The lack of logic in children can be funny sometimes.

As we get older the lack of logic can become painful though.  How many of us do the same thing in relationships?  It hurts when I get in this kind of relationship.  Or, it hurts when I use something, (busyness, food, substances) to cover up what is really going on inside me.  Or, one that is very familiar to me, it hurts when I try to control everything.  Maybe we shouldn’t be in the relationship; maybe we need to stop and give God the circumstance that is causing discomfort; and maybe we should give control to God.

It is hard work to get out of an emotional rut.  It takes a lot of courage to stop doing the familiar and try something new.  The fear of trying and failing can be absolutely paralyzing.  Sometimes we can’t seem to make a change until what we are currently doing hurts so bad that we just have to stop.

I am a control freak by nature, (my sinful nature) and I work every day to give that part of me over to God.  Some days I am more successful at it than others, but the great thing is God’s grace is new for me every morning, in fact it is new every minute.

There is a story about a person walking down the street and falling into a hole.  The next day they walk down the street, but walk around the hole.  The next day they decide to simply walk down a different street altogether.  I hope this is where we can all get to in our lives, making a positive, conscious decision to try something different even though it might scare us to death.

 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”  Isaiah 43:18-19

How many times have you said to your children, “What’s the magic word?”  Or asked them to say “please.”  I even taught my babies how to say “please” in sign language.  The funny thing was they turned it around and used the sign to try to get us to give them things.  Kind of like the dog doing a trick to make his owner give him a treat.

It’s good to teach children to be patient and polite when speaking to others.  As they mature, the babies eventually learn that this word is not actually a magic word used just to get treats.  I wonder though, as we pray or talk to our Heavenly Father if we might not be trying to do the very same thing?

I find myself praying in those terms, “Jesus, please work in that situation.  Please give me an answer.  Please be with me today.”  And then I add in the extra magic words, “In Jesus name, amen.”  Yes, we are absolutely supposed to ask God for things, He says this very clearly in the Bible, but if I look closely I see I am actually asking Him for things He has already given me.  Maybe I should be thanking Him for the gifts already in my life and claiming the promises He has clearly set before me.  I would probably walk in a lot more victory and whine a lot less!

When I pray in a way that acknowledges Jesus’ presence in my life, and the fact that He always has the best planned for me even in hard circumstances, I can relax and be a lot more joyful.  I am free to move forward knowing that my Father has me in His hand and I can trust Him.

My desire is to practice this trust so much that it will look like a magic trick, “How is she so calm when all that is going on around her?”  But, unlike magicians, I will be glad to share how it is done!

“God is my Father, He loves me, I will never think of anything He will forget, why should I worry?”  Oswald Chambers My Utmost For His Highest

Trying to find some “quiet” time at the lake, take two…Last week I was talking about how great my whole 60 seconds of quiet were the evening we went camping.  I had high hopes for the next morning, for some coffee and quiet Bible reading/journaling at the water’s edge.  I had made sure the children knew what was for breakfast and told them they could play with their friends until I was fully awake.

It was so perfect, a beautiful morning.  I settled into my chair with my hot coffee and books.  I am pretty sure I got a whole 2 minutes this time.In my last post I had promised to tell you how my four year old did while camping.  He did surprisingly well!  I found that as long as he had a little snack baggy, he was a happy camper.  I would just refill it now and then, and he was set.  I think he only had two meltdowns the whole trip.  (Side note:  I have tried to continue this since we got home and it has not been as successful.  I guess it is just too much fun to tell me he is hungry every twenty minutes!)

So back to my morning.  After two minutes here he came, my little man.  He was so excited to show me how far he could throw a rock into the lake.  Over and over.  I tried to get away with continuing to read and just say, “Wow, that’s amazing!” every now and then, but no, he had to show me each rock and then make sure I was watching.

I put my books aside as I realized, the lake will always be here, my little boy will not.  As I mentioned, my oldest was already off on a mission trip this past month.  It really wasn’t that long ago that he was the little boy throwing rocks into the water.  Even though, as I said last week, that it is important to find quiet little moments for ourselves now and then, it is important to use wisdom in choosing those times.  I could have asked my little guy to give me some space, but this time, while Bible reading and journaling are good, giving my little boy my attention was the best.

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”  Proverbs 22:6

 

 

All I can say is that if you plan on having a large family or already have one, you better learn to relax quickly.We recently got to go camping overnight with some friends.  I was strategic and left my 6 year old, who is not a fan of the great outdoors, and my 2 year old, who is well, 2, with my sister.  That left me with only five kids.  (My oldest is on a mission trip right now and my husband had to work.)  I was cautiously optimistic.  The two older boys are seasoned Boy Scout campers so I left the packing of equipment up to them.  The two girls are fairly self-sufficient, so the only one that could have been challenging was my 4 year old little guy.

We ended up having a great day and that evening my friends took a few of the kids out on the boat.  The other children were playing nicely, the sun was setting over the lake.  The fire was crackling at my feet as I sat in front of it.  It was amazing, I got 60 WHOLE seconds to relax.  It was beautiful.  Then children came back to chat by the fire.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but when you have child-chaos around you most of the day it is very important to try to find a minute here and there to just take a breath.  There are quite a few types of exercise regimens that teach you how to relax quickly, or breathe deeply.  I think the reason they teach some of those before you have a baby is not so much for the delivery, but for the next 18 to 20 years of raising your child!

It was really wonderful to get to spend some time outdoors camping by the lake, but I can’t always wait for those kind of opportunities to relax.  The great thing is in Exodus 33:14, God promises, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”  That means wherever we are at, with however many kids!  Right now some things I am doing to take a minute to breathe are: stepping outside for a couple minutes while the children are starting to clean up from a meal; watering my garden by myself in the morning; going out in the evening and watering my patio plants.  The tricky thing about even stepping away for a minute is “Mommy guilt” kicks in fairly quickly.  Don’t feel guilty!  We moms give so much all the time that we will not make it if we don’t take a little break every now and then.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”  Isaiah 30:15

What are some ways you take 60 seconds to relax?  I would love to hear some of your ideas!  Also, next week I will tell you how my four year old did camping…

 

Most of the time when I am writing I will think of a topic and then a Bible verse or two will come to me that goes along with the topic.  The other day I was reading in Psalms and some verses made me think of a topic.

The verses are Psalm 59:14-15, please forgive me as I change a couple of the words:  “They return when it is time for Mom to make dinner, snarling like dogs, and prowl about the kitchen.  They wander about for food and howl if not satisfied.”  As I’m sure every mom reading this can relate, these verses made me think of my children, especially the younger ones.

My children have an uncanny ability to come into my kitchen at exactly 4:00 in the afternoon, right as I am about to begin making dinner and start looking for something to eat.  (They just had a snack at 3:00.)  We then go into our food routine, “I’m hungry!”  I tell them I’m making dinner.  “What’s for dinner?”  I say, “Food.”  This gets me an eye-roll from the older kids.  My 2 year old all of a sudden remembers that she is a Mama’s girl and insists that I hold her, but also that I continue to cook her “num-nums.”  Mind you she is over thirty pounds now.  In the midst of this the 4 and 6 year olds are whining at me and getting in my way.  Can anyone relate?!?

I don’t know what it is about this time of day, but it is just plain hard.  Every mom I have talked to about this subject agrees.  It would be nice if at 4:00 our kitchens could transform into caves that we could retreat into and then emerge victoriously from at dinner time with a beautiful, healthy meal.  The reality is that my kitchen is wide open into the living room, and my children would probably devour each other while I was in my kitchen-cave anyway.

There are a few things I have found that help.  Like I mentioned, I do try to make sure the kids get a snack in the afternoon, that helps a little.  I LOVE my crockpot.  Those are the best days, when I have managed to get a crockpot meal going in the morning. Another thing I have found is that my younger ones especially like to “help” with cooking dinner.  They love to run, get an onion from the pantry and peel it for me.  They also like to get other pantry items.  My older girls are able to retrieve things out of the freezers in the garage.  (Being such a large family we have 2 freezers in the garage.)

To be honest, the hardest thing to change about this difficult time of day is my own attitude.  I feel out of patience, a little tired, and cranky.  I find myself wishing we could skip dinner altogether.  However, when we do finally all make it to the table it is a good time.  Yes, dinner can be loud and a little overwhelming, but we are all together in the same place and I know that won’t last forever.  Just like some day 4:00 will roll around and I will probably wish a few kids were back in my kitchen for me to trip over.

Psalm 59:14-15  “They return at evening, snarling like dogs, and prowl about the city.  They wander about for food and howl if not satisfied.”

The encouragement for us comes in at verse 16 of Psalm 59:  “For you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.  O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”  “Looks can be deceiving.”  “You only get one chance to make a first impression.”  Hold on, which one is it?  We are given so many conflicting messages about appearances it’s hard to know what to think.

I had an opportunity recently to test impressions based on appearances alone, at a workshop I held for my piano studio.  This is a time for students to get together in a more casual environment than a recital, perform for each other, learn a little theory, play some games, and of course have cake!  At this workshop I wanted to focus on stage presence and work on things such as bowing to their audience.  To emphasize the importance of stage presence, I asked the students, (which, by the way, ranged in age from 4 to 50) to pretend that we were at a recital and it was my turn to perform next.  I got up from my seat, ambled up to the piano, plopped myself down, poised my hands over the keys and sat there with a bored expression on my face.  I then asked my students how my performance was going to be.  The unanimous answer?  Terrible!  So I tried again.  This time I popped up from my seat, walked confidently to the piano, bowed, sat down with a smile on my face and again poised my hands over the keys.  How was my not-even-performed piece that time?  Wonderful!  I have to admit, even though I got the answers I was looking for, I was a little startled.  I really didn’t realize to what extent our appearances affect those around us.

It got me to thinking about us as women, how we notice the outside of each other so much.  The problem with that is, I know what a mess I am on the inside, but I am comparing my inside with someone else’s outside.  I look at another lady in the grocery store with her hair perfectly colored, her nails done and her healthy veggies in her cart and I compare that to how stressed or maybe even depressed I am feeling that day.  The ironic thing is that she has probably already done the same thing to me, comparing something she sees about me to something she is feeling inside.  I am not saying we are shallow, rather, as my workshop experiment proved, that we are somehow wired this way.

I believe this is where grace comes in.  First, in realizing that none of us are as perfect as we perceive each other to be.  Second, I know we as women talk, but I think we need to talk even more.  Maybe just in a different and more vulnerable way.  I know it can be scary to tell someone how you are really feeling, but again, it seems every time I do, the other woman breathes a sigh of relief and says, “Me too!”  Third, know that you are an amazingly beautiful woman, created by a loving God to do wonderful things.  It says so right in the Bible:  “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  Psalm 139:14.  And,  “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  Ephesians 2:10.

Confidence on stage is not a bad thing, neither is trying to present yourself well in life.  My prayer would just be that we give ourselves enough grace to really be who we are and that we would extend that grace to each other so we could see each other more and more how Christ sees us.