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“How’s your day going?”

“Fine!”

“How are you today?”

“Fine!”

Is there anyone else out there that feels just a little fake answering these questions with a bright, cheerful “fine?”  I think the truth is that a lot of times we don’t actually feel fine, but since the checker at the grocery store isn’t really interested, it is easier to respond this way.

I struggle with the balance between beating myself up inside for not being more joyful or peaceful, and with being honest that life is hard, that it’s okay that I don’t always have a big smile on my face.  There are many times I put a lot of pressure on myself to feel fine right now, and I am fairly sure I am not the only one who does this.

Reality is that God’s grace is sufficient for me no matter what, but as Pastor Ron Thompson puts it, “It takes a lot of action to rest in grace.”  It is hard to be still, be broken, and know that it is okay.  The world around us does not give us any space to be quiet and reflect or heal, but God does.  It is alright sometimes to curl up in your Father’s loving arms and just rest in His grace.

This is so hard, especially if you have others, like children counting on you.  I for one, can feel like I am letting people down if I give myself some grace in the form of time alone.  That goes back to the action of resting in grace.  We have to do the work of silencing the accusing voice we hear and focus on what God is saying to us.

And He is saying that sometimes it takes a while to feel fine again, but while we are healing or growing He is right there with us giving us everything we need.  He is telling us that His grace is sufficient for us because His power is made perfect even in our current weakness.  As I focus on that truth, I just might end up with a real smile on my face.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  II Corinthians 12:9

 

 

 

 

For some reason the other day the idea of the last time we do things popped into my head.  I am not usually one for emotional, sad remembrances, so in a way the thought surprised me.  The fact is though, that we do things for the last time all the time whether we are aware of it or not.

Even in realizing this, I wasn’t overwhelmed with regret or sadness; my thoughts went in a different direction.  With a lot of things in life, if we don’t do them for the last time, we can’t ever do something else for the first.  For example, if we don’t quit a dead-end job, we cannot start our new dream job.  If our child doesn’t graduate Kindergarten, they cannot move on and eventually graduate high school.  If we don’t do a bad habit for the last time, there is no way to start a healthy new habit for the first.

Two weeks ago I was talking about mourning, (check it out here ) and I think this concept of the last time goes along with that.  In life, things always have to make way for growth.  Even in nature we see the plants give way to seed which in turn produces new life.  And of course, even though it is the way things are, we can still feel sad about our last times and honor our feelings.

The other side of this is to not take anything for granted.  I am thankful for each day I get to wake up.  I am thankful for each hug I get to give my kids.  Again, not to be melancholy, but grateful because we just do not know when the last time will come.

The really wonderful thing is, whether we are doing something for the last or first time, (or a time in between) Jesus is right there with us.  In the book of Revelation, it says Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.  Basically He is saying He knows everything from A to Z, including your life and my life.  I find that awesomely comforting and I hope you do too!

“I am the Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”  Revelation 22:13

I am not a mourning person and because most of you my readers, are Americans, there is every chance that you are not mourning people either.  We simply do not live in a mourning culture.  Please read a little further before you start trying to contact me about my spelling errors!

In our United States, when we experience loss we barely pause to acknowledge it happened, much less allow ourselves to really sit and grieve or mourn.  When someone we love dies, we might take a little more time, but not really enough.  We don’t even talk about the grief that comes from the many little losses we all experience frequently.

Other cultures are far better at this than we are.  I don’t have space to list out mourning traditions from other countries, however there are a few examples from the Bible that are very moving.  Job’s friends in the book of Job, (remember him? If anyone had reason to grieve it was Job; he basically lost everything) usually get a bad rap as being very judgmental.  However, they did do something that in our culture would be phenomenal.  When they showed up to “comfort” Job, they sat with him in silence for seven days and nights!  From our American point of view, it was an amazing show of support and shared grief.

I lost my mother to cancer when I was 18.  Most people really didn’t know what to do.  My brother, 16 at the time, had a friend who knew exactly what to do.  He showed up and sat on the couch.  He didn’t say anything, just showed his support by his presence.  I think this is what is so hard for most of us about grieving.  We are afraid to just sit with our own grief, and especially afraid to sit with others in their grief.

It is okay to mourn though.  We know even Jesus wept.  It might sound weird, but in our fast-paced culture you might need to make an appointment with yourself to grieve.  It is really important to not keep all the hurt bottled up inside.  Turn off your phone, lock your door, hire a babysitter, whatever you need to do to give yourself a safe space.  Then, just sit with your Father, no expectations.  Cry, sob, scream, journal, whatever you need.  It may seem strange at first, but I promise you will be healthier for it.

When you are able to lift your head again, take a look around with this new sensitivity to grief that you have found.  Do you have a friend that needs to grieve?  You don’t have to have all the right words, maybe all they need you to do is come alongside them and sit on their couch.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”  II Corinthians 1:3-4

 

Have you ever gone smile hunting?  It is really fun.  All you have to do is catch someone’s eye as you pass them and smile!  Usually you are rewarded with a smile in return.  The worst that happens is the person will just look away.  I love the opportunity to brighten someone’s day by such a simple act of kindness, and it is totally free.  Unfortunately, I can tell by the somewhat frequent startled looks I get, just before a smile in response to mine, that smiles are an unusual occurrence in our world today.

It is even better if I have a chance to connect a little more with someone than just a smile.  Take cereal boy for instance.  I was in the breakfast aisle in WalMart and I saw a young man restocking shelves.  The look on his face said his day had been boring at best.  I smiled and asked him how it was going.  He responded, “It’s going.”  I mentioned something about cereal and my kids.  We talked for two minutes at the most, but when he went back to his boxes of cereal he had a smile on his face.  It didn’t cost me anything, in fact I felt cheered up myself.

As I was reading to my children this morning out of the book of Proverbs in the Bible, I came across this verse: “He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”  I looked up the word ‘refresh’ and a couple of definitions are actually to cheer or revive.  There is the explanation about my smile hunting hobby.  That is why I feel better, even though I have given something away in the form of a smile.

What about you?  Would you like to join me in my hobby?  It would be so awesome if we spread so many smiles that it was no longer surprising to see a stranger smile at you in the grocery store.  I know there are so many things wrong with the world today, and a smile might seem like such a little thing, how could it be worth it, what difference could it make?  To that I say, we have to start somewhere.  If we start smiling at people, maybe we will truly start seeing other people.  That could lead to finding out where they are in life, and that could lead to coming alongside them, and that could lead to relationship and that could lead to conversations about Jesus.  And Jesus always leads to changed lives.  It could all start with a smile!

“He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”  Proverbs 11:25b

“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness in the world.  All things break.  And all things can be mended.  Not with time, as they say, but with intention.  So go.  Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally.  The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.”  L.R. Knost

Last week during a piano lesson, I was teaching a student about rests in the music.  I was explaining that for there to be a real rest, he would have to let go of the piano key completely.  For some reason this is very difficult even for advanced students, everyone has the tendency to hang on to the note until striking the next one.

Rests in music are very important, they create space in between sound and also anticipation for the next note.  As musicians we can use them to create a lot of interest and depth to our music.

As I heard myself tell this particular student, “You have to let go to really rest,”  I smiled as I caught the bigger truth in the statement.  We all have a hard time with this concept!

How often I have thought, “I’ll sit down after I finish this one more thing!”  I probably should just let it go.  The harder I hold on to things the less rest I have.  Have you found that to be true in your own life?

I am always amazed by Jesus.  He didn’t heal everyone.  Sometimes I’ll be reading about His life and want to question Him, “Jesus you forgot some of them, look at all those crowds that were waiting to be healed.”  He knew what He was doing though, He knew He didn’t come to earth to physically heal everyone, but to be a sacrifice to heal the whole world’s souls.  He had to let go sometimes and rest.  If even Jesus had to let go and rest, that probably means we should too.

As rests in music create space between sound, so also can rests in our life create space for us to truly appreciate and process our life.  As we learn to rest, it also gives us a chance to hear God’s still, small voice and receive the amazing love He has for us.  Then we have the energy to go on again, making beautiful music with our lives.

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.  Simon and his companions went to look for Him, and when they found Him, they exclaimed: ‘Everyone is looking for you!’  Jesus replied, ‘Let us go somewhere else–to the nearby villages–so I can preach there also.  That is why I have come.'”  Mark 1:35-38

 

Is your laundry room winning?  I know it can feel like it sometimes, (maybe most of the time?)

When we built our home we positioned it to take advantage of a beautiful view of the mountains.  We didn’t realize when we designed the house that no one would end up walking around to our “front door,”  but would instead come in through our laundry room.  Instant accountability!  I certainly didn’t want a big pile of laundry to be the first thing my friends saw as they entered my home.  Beyond being an entryway, my laundry room is also not so much a “room” as a walkway from the kitchen to the pantry and family room.  As you can imagine I traverse that way many times a day.  What I have found is that makes it very easy to keep up on the laundry.  I will throw in a load as I pass by, or switch wet clothes to the dryer.  Most of the time this keeps the dirty pile under control.

In a lot of houses the laundry room is off in a corner, in a garage, or downstairs.  This can make it easy for the laundry pile to grow to scary proportions making us want to avoid it.  Besides, who knows what is lurking in there?  You don’t want to hear about my mildew horror stories from the past.

All this made me think about us and the “laundry rooms” we have inside ourselves.  When we are more open with our close friends and invite accountability in our lives, we keep the scary emotional baggage, (or dirty laundry!) to a minimum.  However when we stuff it away in the basement of our souls, it just sits there, molding and festering and eventually causing a lot of problems.  Just like clothing is easier to wash as it gets dirty, hurts are best dealt with when they happen.  I mean, who really wants to dig into a two-week old gym bag, much less something someone said to you a month ago that is still sitting in your heart, wounding you.

I would encourage you this week to reach out to a friend.  Tell them what’s on your heart and ask them what is going on in their life too.  Give yourself permission to receive and give grace.  Remember we are in this life together, dirty laundry and all!

“Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;  wash me and I will be whiter than snow.”  Psalm 51:7

My home-made laundry soap recipe:

Warm 2 quarts water in a big metal pot.  Grate 1/6 of a bar of Ivory soap into it. Whisk in 1/4 cup Borax and 1/4 cup Washing Soda gradually, (this is different from the baking soda you would cook with.)  Pour into 1 gallon bottle and add hot water until full.  Shake occasionally until cooled.